Lock, Stocks, and Barrel

What a time to be an American – at least for those of us who aren’t total pussies or broke or have sense enough to put our money in something other than like six-dollar lattes and cigarette habits. Hopefully, you had a decent year in 2017, didn’t do anything stupid like dump a nest egg off into 3D printing tech or the “Marijuana boom” hahahaha. Hopefully, you got off the GE train or never bought the ticket. For those of you still trading in cryptos and cold hard silver, enjoy the cache, losing sleep at night, and bringing it up every chance you get. For those of us not fucking around, it’s Thursday morning on the west coast so let’s see what’s happening in the real world.

The NYSE opened strong as ever this morning after a moment of glitch-punctuated silence to remember those who found themselves staring down the quick end of an AR-15 in Florida yesterday. The Dow opened up at over 25k points and jumped up another 200 as soon as the school bell rang – big winners being United Tech (UTX) up two and a half, Apple (AAPL) up around the same, Boeing (BA) up nearly five points, and all hail Goldman Sachs (GS) up another two and a half from yesterday with a total over 265. Get some.

S&P opened up over 2,714 with real action out of Trip Advisor (TRIP) up 10%, nearly five goddamn points, right out the gate, almost enough to top Waste Management (WM) who continue to rake at 87 points a share. Century Link (CTL) is also vying for a place at the table, out of the red and up nearly 9% at twenty bucks a share.

A big story today in Cisco Tech (CSCO) – the little engine that could. I, like you, have no idea what the fuck this company actually has to sell other than like bygone telecom tackle and hot air, but stocks are taking off this morning after the announcement that these pikers are onshoring 67 Billion (with a B) dollars back into the American Economy from whatever banana republican hoard haven they’ve been socking it away in. They’re also supposed to put 25 Billion dollars back into the stock. I smell bullshit. Do not give these people your money.

Amazon (AMZN) on the other hand… Up 13 points and running after announcing its strategic partnership with the all mighty Bank of America (BOA). It seems they’re getting in bed together on a lending program for small businesses vying to sell on the website. Huh. Is Amazon finally trying to position itself as a goddamn bank? Better question: will it be regulated like one? Gotta love these guys.

Gold is down. Oil is down half a point. Can we man up and stab into some of that precious coastline already goddamnit?  And, right on cue, firearms are up and running this morning –  Sturm Ruger (RGR) up nearly a point to 50.91, American Outdoor (AOBC) up to 10-points-a-share, Olin Corp (OLN) up half a point. Yee Haw!

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