What is Beauty? Not This.

1 March 2018 8:53pm PST

J. Carmen Price

 

People often ask: what is beauty?

 

Philosophers. Poets. Artists. Pretentious dinner party guests. Over the years, there have been many theories and postulations about what exactly entails something or someone to be beautiful.

 

On one hand, it’s cultural. For example, Kim Jong-il probably prefers a paler complexion and a thick set of rice-field-plowing calves while Southern Californians probably prefer a sun-kissed look and stick-legs.

 

On another hand, it’s purely biological. My sister and I have opposite taste in men. One of us prefers jungle exotics and the one of us prefers Ivy League goodboys.

 

It’s a classic nature versus nurture debate.

 

So while I may not be able to tell you what is exactly “beautiful,” I can and I will and, indeed, I am most convicted to share what is NOT beautiful and that is: the four new clothing brands just released this past week by none other than white trash heaven/hell–Walmart.

 

Walmart?!

 

Walmart.

 

Now, Walmart has carried clothing before. However, the four-branch launch is promoted to be specialized and, indeed, quality clothing with words such as “private apparel brands.” But, I mean, just take a look at the names these new lines bear. Time and Tru (women’s), Terra & Sky (plus sized women), Wonder Nation (children) and George (men).

 

Why is it cool to leave off the ‘e’ at the end of Time and Tru? Trying to be all cool and hipster? It’s not working.

 

And Wonder Nation? I could not think of a more altogether precious name. It’s pure corn syrup and My Little Pony.

 

Actually, now that I think about it, they should really just do a huge (pun intended) launch of Terra & Sky while scraping the other lines.

 

Dear Walmart, it’s cute that you think you can get into the serious apparel business and actually produce anything close to fashion.

 

But, wait, you say, what about the saying–beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Sweetie, a woman said that. And as we know, women will say anything to make themselves feel better.

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