Oscars 2018 Red Carpet: Unopinionated

05 March 2018 8:00am PST

J. Carmen Price


As a fashion expert and lifelong hoarder of beautiful things/people, I live for awards season. Not because of the awards. Everyone knows those are given out based on strictly political correctness. I watch awards shows for the fa-shun, honey, the FA-SHUN.


There are plenty of people out there analyzing the meaning of Lupita Nyong’o’s dramatic hairdo or Timothee Chalamet’s all-white ensemble, so I won’t even try to add my voice to the madding crowd. And don’t get me started on the acceptance speeches, because, let’s face it, no one really cares.


Indeed, eventually as my fellow staff writer, Martin Camu often observes–‘tis a matter of all being null in the end. Voices will be quieted. So-called messages will be most certainly, forgotten. Social stands will be just a box quote on a history book. And by next awards season, everybody will probably shift their acceptance speeches away from sexual harassment and black people and instead act #woke about some new gender category that we have recently discovered when all that really matters about this Hollywood hullabaloo is this: looking good.


So, here, I will talk about the women that just looked good. (We only care about the women, this year, remember?)


Margot Robbie with a Greek mythology-cherub vibe.


Octavia Spencer should work on her posture, but overall–effervescent in emerald.


Emma Stone wore silk pajamas, like, hi.


Nicole Kidman looking skinny. We get it. You’re better than us.


Zendaya like a bar of chocolate, half melted.


Sandy Martin, everything about her oversized coat and (appropriately named) pussybow blouse.


Eiza Gonzalez may be absolutely svelte, but that won’t stop certain creative viewers from making her highlighter yellow dress into a Spongebob Squarespants costume. Oh, I love the internet sometimes.


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